Just How Ugly I Am

I watched Matilda waltzing

I thought about my faults and my failings

What was I thinking

I was standing by the stage door,

Waiting for the show to begin.

I was in a freefall

Still searching for the bottom

Riding on a heart that I stole

One thing I’ve learned is

Don’t think you’ve ever got it

‘Cause some things you never can hold

Didn’t feel like goin’ out,

Didn’t feel like staying in

Making deals with demons at my command

That no one will ever see

Just how ugly I am.

I was leading the parade

I was stumbling to a mighty applause

Outside just staring at the mayhem and ?

I knew deep down that I caused

Maybe sometimes I know I can be too calculated

But I ain’t complicated at all.

Yeah, I assure you it’s just another costume

His majesty’s masquerade ball

These rooms are dark for reasons

Deception even treason

I don’t know how much more I can see

Maybe inside they finally see

Just how ugly I am

Don’t want anyone to see

Just how ugly I am

I’ll be pleased to meet me

Just as soon as I find out where to go

You must be joking You never could defeat me

There’s some things you’ll never know

Sometimes I find it so laughably amusing

Confusing and a little bit sad

I swear to you, on the day of reckoning

I’ll find the things I never had

And a voice spoke to me sweetly

I fell for her completely

There’s one thing she don’t yet understand

But someday she’s gonna see

Just how ugly I am

I hope she never sees

Just how ugly I am

I pray to God she never sees

Just how ugly I am

Don’t want anyone to know

Just how ugly I am